There are some moments in life that are pre-destined. There are people who are supposed to meet-via God’s networking. There are some people who have been endowed with special gifting-artistic gifting-spiritual gifting. I was lucky enough to meet one such person: Angela Gill: artist, writer and songwriter ordained minister.
Angela’s artistic gifting has been interrupted numerous times by life’s special challenges. Born in 1936 in a small mid-western town, Angela immediately bore the burden of becoming “The Poster Child of Shame” to her family. IL’’-legitimate became her personal “branding” throughout her life. She never knew her father and was sent to live with an Aunt and Uncle in Chicago. Un-suspectedly, she had entered a nightmare environment as she was verbally abused by her Uncle and sexually abused by her grand-father. This “shame’ set the tone for her entire life as she began a journey of bad choices fueled by the veil of un-worthiness. But rest assured-Angela does not consider herself a victim. She will be the first to tell you she is a child of God and has been restored.
“The first five years of life sets the foundation for all of our choices-good or bad. The name of this “foundation” is not love-it is hate: it is unworthiness. Until we have reached a moment in our lives of healing and restoration, every choice we make is through a veil of un-worthiness. We cannot see clearly-we lack wisdom and therefore make bad choices. When we try to correct the original bad choices, we compound them by making more bad choices to correct the first! A child of abuse is paralyzed by the inability to make wise decisions. A child needs a father and a mother. God created the woman as the completer of man-God gave the responsibility of affirmation to the man. It is the father who affirms the child as having value-not because of how attractive they are, their talent, or any other attribute or action-but simply because the “are!” God gave that responsibility to the father to be representative of God to the children. That is what is missing in society today-the presence of the father.”
“I searched for affirmation for 30 years of my life. I looked for it in three marriages, divorces, in children (two outside of marriage) in numerous affairs, diverse jobs in multiple cities. I have moved 126 times in my life! And low and behold! The hole in my heart was still there! Jesus came into my heart when I was 12 years old. At 18 I put Jesus on hold and went out into the world to see what IT had to offer! It took me 30 years to discover the world had nothing to offer me! At 48 years of age I surrended totally. I had finally found my worth. God had affirmed me. I made that journey in a very unique way. I had smoked 2 1/1 packs of cigarettes a day for almost 30 years. I had tinges of guilt from time to time but I liked to smoke! I would tell people about Jesus and that He could deliver them from anything-then go excuse myself to have a cigarette! One day I accidentally discovered my youngest daughter had begun to smoke and I began to grieve in my spirit like nothing else I had ever experienced before. One night I was praying and asked the Lord why I was grieving so much: I audibly got my answer: “She is your child and you love her-when she does something harmful to herself it hurts you. Angela-don’t you understand you are MY child and whenever you do something harmful to yourself it hurts me?” I was shocked! This was the first time I discovered that God-the God of the universe-the Creator of all things- loved ME- personally. It was not: God so loved the world-but God so loved ANGELA! When I realized how much I meant to God and that I had actually “hurt” Him I began to weep. I said: “Father I am so sorry I hurt you-I’m going to lay these cigarettes down but you will have to take away the desire because I really LIKE to smoke. At that moment I laid down the addiction and God took away the desire. That was in 1984- and from that day on I have NEVER had a desire for a cigarette. I was truly delivered! I realized the key to deliverance was sacrifice. I didn’t lay them down for me-I laid them down for the Father. I now understand everything I do is important to the father.”
“For all people who have endured abuse-don’t let anyone tell you no one cares about you-or you’re not worthy enough to be happy- or to have peace- or cannot be healed-or have a good life. At 48 I was finally affirmed as having value. I am in my 75th. year of life and am pursuing my artistic career again as a painter. God inspired every one of these paintings. I have sold hundreds of them- nationally, internationally and am currently being shown in a gallery in New Mexico. But when I put Jesus on hold- I put my paintings on hold. Now it is time to honor the talent God gave me and bless people by the transparency of my story. I want to up-lift and encourage all people by telling them they do not have to be victims-they can be over-comers. I want people to know they can be blessed by the miracle of God’s healing: I want to bless people through my art. May God bless everyone who is reading this article.”